#338 Make a movie of a bad day

The days we are at home and can do very little because of chronic pain, are usually invisible to everyone else. Often even our loved ones don't get to see what's going on, it's almost like that time doesn't even exist.

I've found it's hard to find strength to get better, if I'm not even validating my pain and my dark days. A few years back I started using my digital camera to make small movies, and one day I filmed myself  on a bad day. Seeing that clip later was actually extremely enlightening, because I could see the pain's impact on myself in a way I had never seen before.

And when I compared the video of me on a bad day, with something I had filmed on a good day, the difference was astounding.

I could hardly recognize myself, my voice, my face... everything. I had just filmed a really small dialogue with myself, and it was honest, since I wasn't making it for anyone else. I was just saying how I really wanted to go outside but was hurting like hell, and was wondering how I was going to make it through that day. Maybe 50 seconds long. That film showed me the impact of my chronic pain, and helped me validate it. It was something of a breakthrough experience on my way to healing.

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